I'll be turning 22 tomorrow. I have feelings about this. What worries me is that people have accomplished more than I have, seen more of this world, and been much happier than I have in these 22 years. It's not a competition thing or a jealousy thing, but it makes me feel that I am not taking full advantage of life, and I worry that I will ever have the time, energy and resources to do everything I wish I could ever do.
This past week was an absolute roller coaster of emotions and I think the personal fallout will last at least a couple more weeks. I have this constant sense of searching, and for what I do not know. Maybe it's companionship, which delves into a whole other realm of complicated feelings, hopes, dreams, and mainly fears. Lonely has been a big part of what I've been dealing with. And I don't think that the past tense is necessarily correct for that sentence. Part of the process of finding my north star is dealing with my emotional scars. I know I've been working on this even pre-Martha Beck but I am unsure of the next step. I am almost sure I'm at the move on, be happy, find someone part but gosh impatience is rotten. Maybe the next chapter in the book will help?
I need to work on my self image and knowing what I want out of the people in my life. And figuring out how to get what I want out of life. Emotionally, mostly, not material.
That's it.
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