corporate-free christmas

So, the pledge that I made to do a corporate-free christmas has turned out to be quite successful!
I just made my last order (from etsy.com) and got this email response, not automted, from a real person:

Thanks so much for your tie purchase - it is currently being made to orderand will ship tomorrow. :) Each is handmade uniquely just for you at the time of purchase.

My brother should love the tie I got him - it's a little nerdy and humorous but really hip looking. With that, the shopping is done! Every gift I got has either been from etsy or from local artisans. It feel very rewarding to support artists and crafters while at the same time getting really special and unique gifts for the people I care about. This Christmas required a little extra thought and planning, but it was so worth it! I can not wait to give everyone their gifts. It should be an extra special holiday season....

wonderful day

Yesterday was one of the most enjoyable days I've had in a very long time. Despite the recent stresses of finals and upcoming end-of-semester deadlines, I was somehow able to let that all go and just enjoy myself.

Tim is visiting this weekend (of course), so we decided to do something out of the ordinary. We slept in late, and then got up and headed off to the Ecotarium and spent a few hours looking at reptiles and playing with the exhibits like 5-year olds. It was so much fun. This was followed by lunch on Shrewsbury St., and and expedition around the city to find Bear Republic Racer 5 beer (thank you KJ Barron's!) then we went home to cook dinner. Tim was amazed at my mahi mahi, salad, and sweet potatos. Kimmy was in town, so we went out for drinks later with a few friends. It was the perfect finish to an amzing day. I really feel like things are falling into place whether or not I am happy with everything else I have to deal with.

Growing up happens fast.

mmm technology

At 9:30am today, the Clark University Class of 2008 Facebook group had 7 members. Now, at 8:00 pm, it has 66.
I done good.

Personally, I think it's pretty cool. The idea of society losing its privacy boundaries definitely freaks me out, but I think it's up to each of us to look at ourselves and decide how we want the world to see us. A cost-benefit analysis? Does the creepiness factor outweigh the fact that I can write on my Aunt's wall while she's in New York or check out photos of my cousins' toddlers who are growing up in Jersey and Washington? I'd take my family any day.

success

Last night I successfully brined, quartered, prepared, roasted, and served a chicken. Not to toot my own horn (beep beep), but it was amazingly delicious.
The way I see it now, even if all else fails, I will someday be a great housewife. This is not necessarily my goal, and I would undoubtedly go insane if said profession were to last for more than a year or two without some other substantial distraction, but at least I'll be good at something.

I wonder how the choices I make on a daily basis are going to change my life in the long term. On the one hand, it seems that this stage in life is extremely volatile and anything we do can change our path. On the other hand, here seems an endless realm of possibilities and all I need is the resources to be able to change my mind in an instant and rediscover my path. I feel terrified and thrilled at what lies before me today. The only way I keep my head from exploding is reminding myself that the Lord has a plan for each of us, no matter the twisted road we take.

simply an update

Late Saturday night my uncle Richard passed away. He had been suffering for months from cancer, and I know he is in a good place and his soul is with his family always.

What I am struggling with is keeping up with course assignments, readings, little things I need to remember (like loan payments and course registration... oops!) when I am discovering new emotions and dealing with bigger life events every day. Academically and organizationally I am not in a great place - I have no idea where I'm going with my life and my master's paper and my personal budget, but other things are falling so well into place.

I am seeing an amazing guy who makes me happy and makes the world a more beautiful place. He is becoming an important part of my support system and we have so much fun together. My friends and I are going through life transformations that, while seemingly dragging us apart, are in fact pulling us even closer together. We are growing together from college students into young, driven adults.

The recent change with the political climate in this nation has been incredibly inspiring to me. Now that this race is over, I hope that the enthusiasm that inspired so many will not give way to the daily grind or a feeling of success. We need to continue watching the news, making our voices heard, and fighting for our beliefs.

All for now. Not very coherent, but I'm working on this whole thoughts and feelings into words that make sense thing....

November 3, 2008

Today is the last day we will not know.
Tomorrow, things change.

I think, that above all, this nation is in need of inspiration, motivation, and a renewed place in the world. I worry about the alternative for the sake of the generation that comes after us.

Either way, I'm glad it will be over. This whole campaign thing has been exhausting...

Life goes on. This, too, shall pass.

the difference between men and women

A tidbit of conversation had Sunday night while out to dinner...

Me: I don't understand how men can memorize all these names, numbers, and statistics about professional athletes.

Tim: I can remember that Steve Smith is number 12 for the New York Giants. You can cook breakfast. Which is more useful?

facing the change

I admit it, I'm a terrible blogger. It's been months since the last update, but I am hoping that I will, with Michael's push, update more frequently even if the posts be shorter and less thoughtful.

Hanging out with Lily this evening, I realized that I am, in fact, no longer an undergraduate student. I am not stressed about my coursework, I have a substantial amount more independence in my research, and the campus extracurricular life is non-existent. Instead, I drove an hour and half each way today to get to my company's main office to spend the day making maps. It was enjoyable, but a transition that I did not anticipate would happen so quickly. In this journey of adjustment, my body, heart, and soul have a bumpy ride. but, I think realization is the first step to a healthier life, so here it goes!

In other words, I got paid today. Sweet. Now I have to learn to budget instead of just not eating. Also, my brother is coming home from college this weekend for the first time. I am thrilled to see him! And my sister comes home next weekend. They will be good for my soul.

For now, this is all. But consider this a promise to update again before the month is up.

happy birthday?

I'll be turning 22 tomorrow. I have feelings about this. What worries me is that people have accomplished more than I have, seen more of this world, and been much happier than I have in these 22 years. It's not a competition thing or a jealousy thing, but it makes me feel that I am not taking full advantage of life, and I worry that I will ever have the time, energy and resources to do everything I wish I could ever do.
This past week was an absolute roller coaster of emotions and I think the personal fallout will last at least a couple more weeks. I have this constant sense of searching, and for what I do not know. Maybe it's companionship, which delves into a whole other realm of complicated feelings, hopes, dreams, and mainly fears. Lonely has been a big part of what I've been dealing with. And I don't think that the past tense is necessarily correct for that sentence. Part of the process of finding my north star is dealing with my emotional scars. I know I've been working on this even pre-Martha Beck but I am unsure of the next step. I am almost sure I'm at the move on, be happy, find someone part but gosh impatience is rotten. Maybe the next chapter in the book will help?
I need to work on my self image and knowing what I want out of the people in my life. And figuring out how to get what I want out of life. Emotionally, mostly, not material.
That's it.

yes we will

Lately it has been the little things in life that make me smile the most.

I just got back from running some errands. While waiting at a stop light on Park Ave, a white truck pulled up next to me and waited for me to turn and look at the drive. He was an average guy, mid to late thirties I'd guess. Instead of asking for directions like I expected, he asked where I got my Barack Obama bumper sticker. At a rally, I told him, but they can be purchased on his website.

The man responded that this is the first political candidate that he has ever been actually excited about.

We exchanged smiles, frustrations about the war, and well wishes as the light turned green. What an amazing connection. This short moment in my day has reaffirmed my faith in this country. This is a time for change, and the change agents are out there and active. I expected my bumper sticker to cause some sort of reaction from someone, at some point, but this was amazing. This morning on MSNBC a poll showed Obama with a 16 point lead above McCain. I think we can do this. I also believe we need to in order to heal the cities of this nation and reunite our divided populations.

Fired up and ready to go.

what a fiasco

it has now been about a month since ashley and i moved into our apartment. courtney has since joined us, which has been a fabulous experience. we have had amazing bonding moments, moving from tears to hysterical laughter, as the best of girlfriends always do.
this house, however, has filled our days with "fiasco"s, as i have lovingly dubbed our frightful yet amusing-in-hindsight adventures here at 14 clifton. some of the most memorable include the man running from the cops (our very own fugitive!) who came to hang out in our backyard with us, eddie the forgetful handyman, and above all, the tree.



that was an interesting day.

in the name of self-advancement, i am attepting to make a pretty substaintial life chage. really, breaking what i did not know was a bad habit. i am now double spacing between sentences. part of me feels like i need to go through my entire 50-page honors thesis and remedy my mistake. oh well.
on a happier note, i got a position at an environmental consulting firm downtown (see previous post). this summer will be an unpaid internship position, but the fall promises paychecks. looks like it's ramen noodles for the rest of the summer.
i started reading a new book. finding your own north star by martha beck. oprah inspired me to reconnect with the universe, and i really do believe it has been making my life somehow better. a positive outlook and realizing your own faults can be invigorating. the universe and i are definitely on better terms than we have been in the past, and i'm looking forward to living my best life.

but for now, it's back to killing ants in my kitchen and budgeting out the money for new lightbulbs.

nesting

these recent couple of weeks have been spent 'nesting' in my first real apartment. last night i spent the night in the house all by myself; no roomates in my own off-campus place. sure i was a little scared, but i did it and i'm still here. it is interesting to be dealing with the little quirks of an old house that i can call my own... we have ants, a broken back door, dead light bulbs, and overgrown shrubs in the front yard. there are some cats that wander around our backyard, and ashley found some garden snakes the other day.
i've been spending the little money i have on things like tea lights and sponges, bedding and vegetable steamers. domestic. i enjoy it, and i am above other things glad to be staying in the same place for an entire 12 months. that hasn't happened since high school. and the summer in worcester are fabulous and sunny and full of barbecues with friends and owning this city.
i have an interview on friday with an environmental consulting firm downtown. i am feeling hopeful about this, and it has the opportunity to remain part time throughout the summer and the school year. other things would have to change, but i think i can deal with that and be flexible. it's all part of growing up and going where life takes you.
michael got the position at suffolk in boston. i am amazingly proud of him and so happy that he will be moving to the big city and moving on with his life at a place that will embrace him and where he can thrive at what he does best.

note to self: don't bother making iced rooibos tea again. not worth it.

words of wisdom

these tidbits of advice have been my source of inspiration and hope the past few days and will likely come in handy later in life...


you are far too young to make a bad decision. no decision you make will be a bad one.

there is a ratio of about one bottle of wine to every five pages of a paper.
particularly a thesis.

tomorrow's wind blows tomorrow.


on that note, back to my bottle of bohemian highway and the last paper i will ever write as an undergraduate.

these deep city lights

So this is it.
It is three weeks before I walk across a stage and am handed a sheet of paper stating that I have completed a degree in a field that I had not even known existed four short years ago. My response to this significant event? Blogging.
My graduation from college is not really the pomp and circumstance that one might expect, so don't get your hopes up just yet. I'll be moving a mere four blocks from my current residence in university housing and continue attending classes, just with a new status. Graduate Student. With a capital S.
My intentions here are to record and archive my journey as it begins now. I'm experiencing a lot of "lasts" as can be expected, but more exiting are the "firsts". Which I'm still waiting for.
I hope that this blog will help me reach out to friends and family as we spread ourselves even further across the country and the world. And as new and exciting people enter my life, I wish that they might use this to get some insight into my often quiet and reserved personality.
Later today I will be performing in what might potentially be my last jazz band performance ever. And it did not hit me how upset I am about this until just now as I was typing it. This is what my blog should be. Somewhere to write words and preserve memories and emotions of a place in time, and a way in which to make things real. If I write it, it will be real and I will have to face and deal with it.
So that's why I'm here. Hope you come along for the ride...